Switchfoot, where is the redemption you were talking about?

Besides the supernatural, love is also one great example of those things which cannot be explained by science. It is a feeling suddenly perceived by someone without a reason or sometimes, with a reason; however, it is always unexplainable. No one knows why it exists. It is just so ironic that it can change someone completely. It can make someone so happy and make him feel like he is already in the clouds while at the same time, it can anytime bring that someone down and make him feel like there is no reason for living already and that he cannot already get up.

This morning, I talked with my mom about my uncle. His girlfriend left him because she was already tired of him. My uncle was not really an ideal boyfriend. He has two daughters already and an ex-wife. There are also time where he tends to become violent. Still, I do sympathize him for his situation right now. Right now, he is really really depressed. Last Monday, my aunts had to fetch him because he injected himself tranquilizer so fell asleep on the streets. He also tried to slash himself. He calls my mom every day so they can talk. When he saw my mom, he hugged her and cried. Last Thursday, he asked someone to buy flowers for his girlfriend. :( Good thing, my mom was able to convince him to talk to a psychiatrist. Nevertheless, the psychiatrist just game him anti-depressants. His current situation right now? He is just sleeping and not eating all the time. He was just dextrosed the other day as substitute for food.

Actually, I cannot really blame her girlfriend for leaving him but I believe that she should also help my uncle move on just like how he helped her when she was in the same situation. I really feel sad for my uncle. I once experienced the same thing that is why I know the feeling. I became so depressed because of almost the same reason. I found my life not worth living anymore. Every day I woke up in the morning, one question was always striking into my head: Ano pang rason para mabuhay ako? My uncle uncle is saying almost the same thing right now. He is saying that he cannot live without her girlfriend. I was always trying to extend my sleeping hours. Whenever I cannot sleep anymore, I eat my breakfast and again, try to go back to bed. I cannot even count how many sighs I was making every day. I think it lasted for two weeks. One weekend, I became sick so I was not able to study for my first Calculus long test where I got a very super painful F. I do not know how I was able to get out of it. I just realized one day that I should fix myself so I just concentrated on my studies, my friends, my cousins and basketball. Luckily, my friends became successful in convincing me and making me realize that there is still more to life. Luckily, I was a strong person. Luckily, I still had my principles and other important things to me left.

It really takes time. Up to now, there are still times when I tend to feel that feeling. What I do is just try to ignore it and tell myself it is not worth it.

We do not really know how to help my uncle. IT REALLY TAKES TIME. The first person who can help him is just himself and it is not really an easy process. Mahirap bumangon, promise. Just like what my sister just sang now said, "Nobody said it was easy." Thanks to Coldplay. I just hope that he will be able to have his redemption sooner, please?

By the way, my mom cried while we were talking. I also did. :|

This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.

This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.

No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.

-Breathe, Anberlin

BS Legal Management minor in X and Y

College is the stage where one decides who he wants to be for the next twenty to forty years. Choosing a degree program is a very tough decision to make. After choosing and getting into a degree program in a good university, the next problem is how to spend your college life. Should one join many orgs and be active in all of them. What minors should one take? Indeed, having this additional phrase in one's course is nice to hear: AB/BS X minor in Y. To be able to add that phrase, one has to take additional five subject in his individual program of study. This mean that he is to take more load than what other normal people are taking. However, the greatest dilemma is where should one minor in?

Taking a look at the curriculum of the degree programs in the Ateneo, one may notice that there are so many extra subjects which are called "core subjects". We, Ateneans have to take subjects which are really that connected to their courses. For example, Math 11/12 is not really connected to English Literature. @-) These subjects are present not only in our freshmen year. An Atenean will always have this kind of subjects in all his years of stay in the Ateneo. Introduction to blah blah and whatever, introduction to everything. Others may not understand why this is being done but having read the 'minors' part of our OrSem manual, I came to realize why they do this. This gives us, Ateneans, the privilege to minor on whatever we want. This enables them us to discover what we really want and where we are really good at. These basic subjects of almost everything serve as options for enriching our knowledge not only in the degree program we are taking but also in other fields which may not be that related to this certain degree program being taken.

For us, management students, we are obliged to have a minor in a management field. We will be taking these subjects in our senior year. Examples of these fields are Finance, Marketing, SOMBA, etc. However, that will come in the later years.

Just a few weeks ago, I realized that I want to minor in something non-management besides the one I will be taking in fourth year. I want to take it during my sophomore and junior year so it will not clash with my management minor. I am just so confused on what minor should I take. Right now, I am still really not capable of minoring in something because I took the basic English subject. Unlike other normal students, I still have to take up English 12 during the first semester of my sophomore year and the last Filipino subject, Fil 14, in the second semester. I am not really interested in minoring in English Literature. On the other hand, I am still not sure about Filipino. In order to minor in Filipino, one should have no grades lower than B in Fil 11-14. As of now, my Fil grades are okay --meaning I can minor in Filipino. But just like what Erika said, paano kung mali yung calling ko? What if Filipino 14 is harder than Fil 11 and 12 right? I will have to take the required courses starting my junior year so it will really clash with management minor. Besides that, minoring in Filipino is something others are not considering. It may not really benefit anyone especially a management students. I tried to joke to Mama about minoring in Filipino. She was kind of disapproving of it. :| I also thought of Philosophy. Minoring in Philosophy can prepare me for Law school and yes, I am interested in Philosophy but I still have not taken any course under it. I think in our curriculum, it is in our junior year. What if I am not good at it? Also, minoring in Philosophy will require me to stay a year more in Ateneo. :|

Right now, I am still confused. Oh well. O_O

Sana kagaya na lang ako ni Chris Tiu. Double major (not sure kung ME o MH, but the other one is AMF), minor in Chinese Studies and basketball varsity. Kung totoo nga talaga, hands down sa kanya.

Kasalukuyan at Present.

Nagtungo ako kaninang umaga sa aming paaralan para sa load revision. Sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, inilista ko ang sarili ko sa klase para sa pag-aaral ng lengwaheng Chinese na para sa may mga kaalaman na ukol sa Mandarin. Lee man ang apelyido ng aking ina, 1/16 Chinese lang ako. Napakasaklap naman kung pahihirapan ko ang sarili ko sa klaseng iyon kasama ang mga talagang purong Chinese. Bute na lamang, naging madali lang ang proseso. Mental note ko sa sarili ko kanina: Talagang puro Chinese din yoong mga tao sa loob ng Confucius Institute. HAHA.

Habang pumipila ako para sa load revision form, nakita ko ang gusto kong makita. Hah!

Pumunta kami sa Trinoma ng aking pinsang si Yna. Umikot, namili at nanood ng Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Bute pala, hindi ganoong kalala ang hirarkiya sa Pilipinas. Wala masyadong diskriminasyon 'di gaya ng ibang bansa gaya ng sa Estado Unidos.

Naisip ko kanina, gusto ko talagang maging filthy rich. Sana yumaman ako. Sana tamang nag-aral ako sa Ateneo. Sana nakakatulong talaga yun sa pagyaman. Sana totoo yoong pambobola na ginagawa ng speakers tuwing kinakausap nila ang mga mag-aaral ng JGSOM (John Gokongwei School of Management) na kami raw ang future millionaires ng bansa. Sabi nga nila, we will be earning millions in the future. Hah. Mabibigyan ko kaya ng milyones ang mga magulang ko? Hindi naman ganoon kadali iyon. Kailangan ko pa ring mag-aral ng Law para mas sigurado ang pagyaman ko. HAHA.

Dahil wala akong kotse, nagcommute ako gaya ng kadalasan kong ginagawa. Dahil pakiramdam ko isa kong manok na nasa loob ng turbo broiler, mas pinili kong sumakay sa FX dahil akala ko sampung piso lang naman ang pagitan nila ng jeep. Pero hindi, naging doble pa ng pamasahe ko sa jeep pauwi ang naging pamasahe ko. Ewan ko kung bakit, pero magkasing layo lang naman ang SM North at Trinoma diba? O baka naman umurong na ang Trinoma? Pinalagpas ko na lamang. Baka dahil kasi GE yung FX. Pagpasok sa FX, sa panagalawang row ako umupo. Fast forward, pangalawa akong bumaba. Nainis ata yoong mga katabi ko dahil nasa dulo ako kaya kinailangan din nilang bumaba para makaraan ako. Sorry pero 1) Nahihiya/tinatamad akong magsabi na ako yoong dapat na nasa may pinto. 2) Kasalanan nila. Nauna ko, nahuli sila. Pagbaba ko, narinig ko pa yung babae at nag-Ingles pa siya na para bang nasa nagtranslate siya ng isang linya sa isang Indie Film. She did not told us... Oo, galit si ate. Sobrang gusto ko siya sabihan noon: Ate, wrong grammar ka. Did at told, ang pangit pakinggan. Pareho nang past yun. Pero dahil mabait ako, tumawid na lamang ako. Medyo nakakainis lang. Oo, my fault pero ganoon ba kahirap na tumayo, bumaba, at sumakay ule? Para namang pinagffun run ko siya sa grabe niyang magreact. Haha. Pero ayos lang. Paki ko? Hindi naman kami magkakilala. ;)

Sabi ko kanina, magjjogging ako. Tinamad na naman ako. Fail.

Just let the bass line hit you.

Oras na para pakinggan ang paboritong kanta. Sadyang kapansin-pansin ang tunog ng pakalabit sa "string" ng "electric guitar". Kasing tinis ng sirena ng ambulansiyang nagmamadaling rumaragasa sa kalsadang makipot patungo sa opsital. Ngunit sa kalagitnaan ng pagbagtas sa daang ito ay hihinto ang weng weng ng sirena dahil gising na ang pasyenteng pinilit na buhayin ng mga nars. Pwede nang bumalik ang pasyente sa paghiga sa duyan kanyang bahay.

One of the aphorisms I did for our second major paper, inspired by the very very nice solo of 2 Become 1 covered by Paul Gilbert.

Gusto kong mag-ipod at kumanta, magpaka-emo at pakinggan ang bawat kalabit ng "string".

Life is good.

If there is a big one thing from second semester that I do consider as a big achievement, it is the A I got for my Fil 12 class.

Sining sa Pakikipagtalastasan II or Fil 12 is a writing class where one is able to learn how to write creatively in Filipino. Of course, students will not be able to succeed in enhancing their Filipino writing skills without the professor. Being my cousin's Fil 11 prof for the first semester, our professor was really so intimidating for me at first. We needed to write very unique papers. Pressure because I really do not consider myself as a good writer. I just have thoughts, soooooo many thoughts, but no writing skills.

For our first paper, we needed to answer the question: Paano ka mag-isip? Indeed, it was really hard and twisted my brain for hours (because I just crammed). When we got our drafts checked, many got line of seven's and there were even some who got below seventy so I was lucky I got an 80+. For the final revision, I got a ninety. I just considered that as luck. Haha.

To make it short, Fil 12 really required a lot of thinking and creativity. I considered every paper as a Calculus long test and I was always thinking about my papers whenever I was not yet able to start writing them. I knew that I was not really that kind of person who had this very wild imagination. Sadly, I had zero percent creativity so I was shocked when our professor recognized me, together with two of classmates, as those students who are very good in writing papers. Haha.

Fil 12 really changed me. Besides making me discover this little skill of mine, the course also changed me as a person. It made me strive to always think out of the box and contemplate on what is really unique. I also learned to appreciate Filipino literature because of it. Nothing can still beat my favorite excerpt from Last Order sa Penguin by Chris Martinez. Haha.

Yes, deep inside of me I've got this spirit of nationalism. The new Ateneo car sticker (with a picture of a blue eagle alongside with flag of the Philippines) can already serve as a symbolism of me. HAHAHAHA. Joke.

Fil 12 + Sir Allan Derain = <3

I only get line of nine's. Our professor said that if we get a grade of a hundred, it means that our work is worth-publishing already. I think I should work on that. :)

Para kang kendi hindi nauubos. Para kang chocolate na hindi matunaw-tunaw kahit na gaano mo katagal kainin. Parang ang sarap-sarap mo. Parang ang juicy-juicy mo. Parang gusto mong mapiga. At gusto mo ring mamiga. Gusto mong mangyakap at magpayakap. Gusto mong ma-squeeze at mang-squeeze. Squeezee. It's a squezee feeling. Party ang feeling. Party ka lang ng party. Para kang natutunaw na nanlalamig na ang saya-saya na ang sarap-sarap na parang tuwang-tuwa ka na parang walang problema sa mundo na parang walang mali parang lahat tama lahat mabuti lahat kaibigan mo lahat love mo lahat friends mo lahat kaibigan ka lahat love ka lahat friend ka na wala kang kaaway walang badtripan walang iwanan walang bad vibes brothers kayo sisters kayo brother ka sister ka kahit saan kahit kanino kahit ano positive walang negative lahat positive bawal ang negative positive lahat kahit na ano positive basta positive positive na positive na life is good... Life is good... Life is good. Walang tatalo sa first time talaga. Walang tatalo (Martinez 72).

Back from a very different and globalized world.

After my ten decades ago post, here I am blogging again. Obviously, things have changed. Being in a society ran by capitalism, the individual was controlled by this thing called "studying" which was a must for everyone who had the riches to pay for the very high tuition fees of these institutions called "schools".

The institution where the said individual is doing this "studying" from my previous post is different from the institution where she is in now. This present institution is more prestige and more famous. It is one of the best universities in the world; however, studying there really costs a lot. Clue: It's not that school in Taft. ;)

So what's up? Summer after freshie year. Freshie year was indeed a blast. The individual met new friends. New friends from different parts of the country, different parts of the of the world. She met a pig, a tarsier, a pokemon, and etc. Luckily, she still had access to basketball - one of those things she need to stay alive. And of course, she will will not be able to forget this subject she loved and hated everyday for five months: Math 19 (Calculus Applied to Business). Yeah, she passed. Though a C's not really enough. Grades will be posted on April Fools' Day (later during midnight). Fingers crossed. Broken hearts. First times. F's. Discoveries. Miseries. Freshie year was absolutely a very big package.

BTW, doing this third person point of view makes me feel like I'm doing a testimony for Tajomaru's death. :))

I still listen to Rnb songs whenver I'm in a good mood; I still listen to Rock whenever I want to rock. HAHAHA.

Well, nothing's really new except for one thing. I have changed my perspective about one certain thing. Enough said.

So why blogger and not facebook, tumblr, multiply, or etc? I need privacy. I want my space to be plain and simple. I do not need followers. I do not want to be followed.

This is another new start for me. Freshie year just ended. Better year coming? I hope.

all in.